


Killing Loneliness

by LokisSoftSide



Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: Cutting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Scars, Suicide Attempt, Tom Hiddleston Is A Sweetheart, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-11
Updated: 2015-11-11
Packaged: 2018-05-01 02:49:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5189303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokisSoftSide/pseuds/LokisSoftSide
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom and Melanie? Oh they have an arrangement I suppose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Killing Loneliness

**Author's Note:**

> *****TRIGGER WARNING********
> 
> Contains talk of and showing of scars, open wounds from cutting as a form of dealing with emotions. Please if you feel this is a trigger, then stop right now and turn around. If it's not then please enjoy!!
> 
> The title of this work of fiction is from a song by the band HIM called Killing Loneliness: Link here : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQ9JdDAbKH0

Killing Loneliness

 

 

I lie awake staring out into the early morning sky through my window as I listened to him breathe, his chest rising up and back down against my back. The feel of his skin against mine was electric, I could only fool myself for a short period of time, knowing he would be gone from my bed in mere hours. You see that was the arrangement that Tom and I had. He had a busy schedule and no time for a proper relationship so what we had, our arrangement, was a few nights a week with no strings attached. It was getting harder day by day to not want to fall in love with him, he was an essence that I couldn't get enough of, his laughter was the most beautiful music I had heard and his touch was like an addiction I couldn't shake. Oh how I would ache for his touch....

You see there wasn't much talking involved in our relationship, a few words shared over drinks once in a while but for the most part it was the bedroom that held our secrets. Sometimes it was my bed, sometimes his, tonight it was mine. We were wrapped up in each other in the middle of the bed, sheets tangled in our limbs, clothes strewn across the floor, soft music still played from the living room where we had shared a drink. 

His arms wrapped around my waist lightly as his breath traced shivers up and down my spine. Our bodies were entwined together, sighing deeply at how well they fit. Before long he would be awake, he would slide out of my bed, gather up his clothes and leave before I would wake. 

Rolling onto my side loosening his grip on me, I lightly traced my fingers along his hairline, letting them slide down to his temple before caressing the rest of his beautiful face. His lips parted slightly as he let out a deep sigh before I saw his eyes open slightly to look at me as I held his face in my hand, admiring the strength and character that made him who he was. He smiled up at me as he brought his hand up to my chin, his fingers gripping it softly as he pulled me down for a soft kiss. 

 

We kissed softly, lips touching gently nipping, tongues darting in and out of each others mouths, softly he pulled me down to him embracing me. His arms wrapped gently around me, fingers tracing down my spine as I arched my back letting my breasts gently glide over his chest. I felt his breath hitch as I lifted my leg to drape it over his, bringing our lower bodies into contact. Slowly and deliberately I rocked my hips feeling him harden as his body reacted to mine, his lips found mine and I opened my mouth underneath his inviting him in. He took the invitation as he moved us so he was now on top of me, my hands drifted down his muscular back as his mouth moved from mine to nibble along my jawline bringing out an involuntary moan from my throat as he reached my neck, trailing soft kisses up to my ear.

"Why do you feel like heaven to me?" Tom muttered in my ear as he bit down gently on the lobe sending soft little purrs from my mouth. "Why can't I get enough of you?"

My only response was to slide my leg up his before hitching it on his waist to bring our bodies closer together and that earned me a deep throated moan from him. He looked down at me as I looked up at him with lust filled eyes as he moved slowly down my body, kissing every inch of bare skin he could get his lips on. Realizing suddenly with the soft light of the morning coming in that if he went any further down my body, between my legs on the inside of my thighs, he would see. 

I reached down for him and tried pulling him up for a kiss to distract him but he was unrelenting, shivering knowing that at any moment he would see what I had done to myself. Already feeling the shame and guilt fill me my eyes filled with tears as I heard him breathe deeply in and then out again. I felt him move back up my body, his fingers gripping my chin between them, kissing me gently he coaxed me to open my eyes and when I did the tears flowed freely from my eyes down my cheeks.

"Open your eyes Melanie...look at me please..." I couldn't look at him so instead I rolled away from him and out of the bed, grabbing my clothes and struggling into them as I walked away from him.

I made my way into the kitchen and reached into the cabinet for my relief in the form of whiskey. Oh good old Jack was there for me when I needed him, strong and fulfilling as it slid down my throat with a slight burn that made me feel warm on the inside. I heard his movement, soon finding myself face to face with him and not being able to escape him in this enclosed space. He took the drink out of my hand placing it on the counter as he grabbed both of my hands and put them in his.

"Goddammit Tom! I wasn't supposed to do this...this wasn't supposed to happen." I tried to pull away from him but he held my wrists in his hand as I trembled with sadness.

"What wasn't supposed to happen Melanie? Was I not to see what you did to yourself?" He looked into my eyes waiting for an answer and I could see he was not going to let me away without giving him one.

"No that's not it Tom. I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you....this isn't how I planned it..." Tom dropped my hands in surprise at my revelation. I watched as he searched for something to say to me, his hands on his elegant hips before bringing a hand up to his face to rub his chin in thought as he continued to stare at me. "It's fine Tom. Just go before I do something stupid like tell you that I love you..I always have. Everyone leaves eventually so why should you be any different?"

I grabbed the bottle from the counter and refilled my glass before I made my way around Tom, leaving him standing there stunned at what I had just said to him. I heard him follow me out to the living room where I sat on the couch and him on the coffee table in front of me. Goddamn him and those beautiful eyes.

"Melanie talk to me please..." He pleaded with me as he finally started to notice more and more of just how fucked up I was. He ran his hands over my tattoo's that adorned my wrists only this time he was able to see the scars that they covered. His fingertips traced over them lightly as if they were brand new and he didn't want to hurt me any further.

"I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you Tom. You were supposed to be something for me to kill the pain and loneliness with, I didn't plan on it and now that you know that I don't expect you to change anything about our arrangement." I finally let myself look up at him, looking into his eyes, waiting for him to speak.

"So these," he said running his fingers over my scars, "these are because of me?" He looked genuinely concerned for me.

"If there is one thing about them Tom, it's not you. You didn't take the razor and slice into my skin. I did. What we have, I thought I could handle it, I thought it would be different this time." I put my head in my free hand and continued my blank stare at him through my fingers. "I guess this time like every other time, I was wrong."

"I don't understand... so these are not because of me? Then why?" He got down on his knee's in front of me, removing my hand from my face so he could run his fingers along my lips lightly.

"You want to really know why? Well here you go. Every time I start to let my walls down around someone like I have with you, they always leave. Everyone I've ever loved has left me. I have no family, I have like maybe one other person other then you that is in my life and in my life quite often. You take from me and I from you. When you leave...I feel empty." I took a deep breath and continued. " So to deal with the emotional pain, I physically hurt myself so I can't feel anything because feeling nothing is better then what I'm feeling now...what I feel when you leave me. So now that you know...now that you know my dirty little secret I'm expecting to not see you again?"

"I haven't gone anywhere Melanie." He stood and took my hand in his. "Come." 

He took me back to my room, standing in front of me he reached for my shirt and slowly lifted it off to reveal my upper body to his hungry eyes. I felt his finger tips run slowly along my middrift as he snaked one into the waistband of my shorts and tugged them down my legs, following them he moved to his knees in front of me. The morning light seeping through the windows there was nothing to hide from him. Slowly he ran his hands up my legs from my calf to my knees and finally up to my thighs. His soft hands ran along the inside of them touching the fresh cuts as he looked up and into my eyes.

"Please don't do this anymore..." he planted a soft kiss first to one cut, " Please don't ever feel like you don't have me..." he moved his lips to the next cut and placed a gentle kiss over it, "You have me Melanie...you have me in every way. Please tell me...talk to me, let me in when you need me." He stood up from his knees and brought my hand up to his lips so he could kiss each knuckle, finally placing a kiss to the palm of my hand.

"Please don't leave me today...please stay." Looking into his eyes pleading with him to stay...I felt like a helpless child.

"I'll stay with you Melanie. But please...let me make love to you..." He whispered softly against my lips. I slid my hand to the back of his neck and kissed him hard, reaching for the button on his pants with my other hand, popping it open and lowering the zipper. He stepped out of them and stood before me, both of us reaching out for the other as we made our way to the bed, falling lightly on the mattress, I slid my way up to the top with Tom following me, crawling over top of me like a predator would their prey.

There was no mincing of words, no foreplay, just sweet tender open mouthed kisses as we shared a nudging of legs to make space for his body, Tom kissed my lips softly as I felt him enter me slowly, agonizingly slow, his eyes locked onto mine as he bottomed out inside me staying still so my body could adjust to him. I raked my nails down his back just as slowly as he entered me and I heard a hiss come from his lips at the pain mixed with pleasure.

"Open your eyes darling, let me see you." He whispered against my lips as I arched up into him drawing out a long moan from both of us. He reached up to slide a bit of my black hair that had fallen down onto my forehead, his touch so gentle and sweet.

I opened my eyes and looked into his, feeling the emotion flowing between us was overwhelming, watching him, placing my hand on his cheek as our lower bodies rocked in unison. My breath hitched in my throat making my moan sound more like a sob of emotion as he thrust up, hitting me at the just right angle giving me the sweet feeling of my orgasm already building in my stomach, shooting down my legs and all through the rest of my body. I held him tight to my body as I rode the waves of pleasure that only he knew how to get from me, sliding my hands down to grip his ass and pull him deeper into me. I watched as he lost control of himself, his thrusts becoming harder, out of sync as he reached his peak pulling me with him as my body shook again under his. His warmth spread through out my body as we locked eyes again, this time his were filled with tears as were mine.

"Never has anyone ever made me feel as loved as you have..." I whispered against his lips. I watched his face, the emotions that swept across them as he fought within himself.

"Please don't ever hurt yourself again baby girl." He kissed my forehead. "I'll take care of you...let me take care of you." He gently pulled out of me and laid down on his back, bringing me with him so I was tucked in beside him, his arm around me as I placed gentle kisses along his side.

We laid in silence for a while, just letting his words hang there. I felt him move slightly to roll onto his side and pull me into him planting kisses on my head as he wrapped me in his arms. With all of the pent up emotions flowing through me after my release, the talk we had in the kitchen and living room, the pain I had seen in his eyes as he looked at my scars, all released at once. I sobbed into his chest, crying harder then I have in a long time, I felt his lips as they kissed my head, his arms wrapping a little bit tighter around me.

After a while I started to feel myself wearing down from the emotional roller coaster I had put Tom and I through tonight, my eyes started to drift shut and just before I completely fell asleep against the one person who finally understood me, I heard him whisper, "I love you Melanie...I always have."


End file.
